byebye:(

ByeBye blog..:(

I am moving off to tumblr..don't worry you will be still alive..You have given me alot of memories and surely it is something that i will cherish..

http://iamnotanand.tumblr.com

Bye...:(

School!

Woah!..i just found the most unbelievable discovery of me!...I WANNA GO SCHOOL!..

I just dunno why but suddenly i have the passion to go school everyday..and the word "chao" just makes me very irritated!..I seriousli don wanna chao anymore..I wanna stay in class and continue with the kind of grades i get now...From 17 lessons..i got myself one C for a very short RJ..one D for leaving halfway for an emergency and one A for a damn 'On siao' performance in class..and the rest 14 are Bs!..woohoo!..its not a big deal for some but for me it is!..Comparing it to my previous semester's grades for the same period of time,i think i only manage to get myself alot of Cs...

However UTs are the most dreaded ones!..and the the two UTs i jus did were relatively easy but the only difference is that i can not recall much as i did my UT..However i do have hope that i can really pull it through and at least get a C..

Yeap..My class is freakin awesome and even Dinmak agrees with it..We bonded well which is like so indifferent from my previous classes...We just took so long to bond..However,i do love my previous class E45D..it was a great class too..Also my social life is good too..surely my class is one reason on why i feel so motivated to go school..:)

I just created myself a tagged account and was checking out all the malay hot chicks!..hehehe.. :p.. its cool though..esp the 'Meet Me' button..all the random gals tat pop up!..However i do have my own regrets as usual..I miss the old times..It is damn irritating to keep away and act fake towards the clique tat i used to hang around..Saddening but i have no choice..

The only way we can avoid this complicated and uncomfortable situation is to....just to break apart and avoid each other..:(

Motivating One!

Phew..i am relieved!..i manage to rope in a new partner!..Justin Anil Dharmaraj!

I was talking to him during the first breakout and he was sharing with me on some tips on losing weight..It seemed helpful..and i am seriousli gonna give it a try..I told Justin that we seriousli need to lose weight and he seem to be quite interested too..

I started surfing the net to find out more information on losing weights and came across several websites which seem to help me..Vicnes was already disturbing me by showing obese people as example..I also challenged him tat i will really slim down!..Its damn irritating to see all the clothes that used to fit me last semester seem to be tighter this semester..

I have to lose weight and i am really gonna start my training from tomorrow!..

Let it be in any means but i am just gonna really push myself!...

and one more thing..i am officially pissed off with my hair and never ever going to cut mallet or comb mohwak!..grrrr!

Weight Issues!

SHIT!... I AM FAT!!...argh!!

That is really something morally degrading!..argh!!

Just over the holidays itself, i gained 8kgs to 10kgs!..i was weighing about 70kgs way back before the holidays..and now..i am weighin an astonishing 80kgs!..thanks to all the mutton, chicken, eggs, the numerous cans of beer and hard liqour bottles!..shit!..i do regret now!..

How i wish i was going to gym with ahil like last time...the feeling after working out was so shiok!..and i have seriously made up my mind..I wanna lose my weight!..my birthday is arriving in less than a month!..and my short term aim is to lose all excess fats i gained!..at least 10kgs!..

Ya...i knoe i can be easily demotivated and i am very easy to be distracted..but then...i am serious on accomplising this short term aim i have set myself!..It is so irritating to see yourself in the mirror with a non proportionate body..and i have to set everything rite!..


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The Lousy Feelings

Its time for me again to feel the kind of feelings which tries to make me feel down and lousy; Lousy feelings...

First of all..i shall send my condolences to Oswind..Take care brother..we will be there for you always..:)

and now back to my point..yeap..i seriousli feel very down and lousy today...i think all the guys knoe why i was like tat..most of them understand except for Jaya..as usual he poked fun at me even though knowing that it is something not to be laughed at..However i don feel angry about it as it is his character and i know he did not mean any harm..

I cannot stand the sight..seriousli..i felt like i shouldn't be there!..i felt like digging a hole in the ground and bury myself inside till everyone leaves..Seriousli it is the most fucked typed feeling..shit..i guess i need to really take some serious decisions for myself..i have given myself enough time to think about it and i think i need to make a sound decision before it goes beyond control..I dunno why people tend to laugh over such serious issues especially if one is really not having a good time over it..Put urself in their shoes and you will know that you can never fit exactly into it..

i am awaiting for the right time to bid my goodbye..but then..its for everyone's good..


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P.S: This is NOT an emo post!

Getting over..

Finally i cut my hair..=)

1 week of school is over and i have got Bs as daily grades for all the modules. It actually makes me feel happy to see all Bs in black once i open the LEO..My classmates are kinda cool and i do like the environment even though most of them are splitted in their own group frens..Its just one week and there are many weeks to go..so everyone should be able to bond well soon.

My PP got approved and i was damn happy as i manage to do it in just the last 3 days forcing myself to really get the right thing...but it was indeed tooooooo long..4267 words to be exact...its more than double times the number of words set by the PP advisors..I think the PP advisor didn't even bothered to read it since its too long..even i myself just took a glance through it before i submitted..hehehe..

Life seems to be back in track with funny frens who just can't stop poking fun or do stupid laughable stuffs..I am managing to get over the disappointments i had during the holidays..There are always the constant reminders of it but i am adapting now..but still...i regret..i really do regret and wonder what i could have done in order to avoid such a miserable situation..

Working with Dinmak during the nite shifts on Saturday and Sunday were damn fabulous..i enjoyed every bit of it..we shared alot of things and we get to understand each other more now.. he did told me certain stuffs and advised me..I just only realized that dinmak is indeed a very good advisor..hahaha..

i cut my hair and i am damn happy since it was damn thick and itchy..now its just short nice..and i even get compliments for my new hairstyle..weeweee!..its very rare to get as i am always categorized for not combing my hair and just let it be messy..and now its nicely combed..=)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and now this part of the post is for Shantni..

Dear Shantni..you are brave gal now..ur bitter + sweet experiences are now good lessons for you..don't ever repeat the same mistakes..Time will answer your calls and wishes..You got frens whu care abt you..Just take your own time and enjoy life for now..You are just 19 and you have a long road ahead of urself..i am not going to advise you on what you are supposed to do and not.. Only you yourself knows you better...i believe that you will come good again and be like the same old shantni who just know how to take life as it is..Any problems or stuffs that you wanna share..you can always count on me to lend a listening ear and a helping hand..

Shan Baby Shan..:)

New Sem! New class! New Life!

Finally school has started and i am so happy to go back to school..Finally back to frens and tis time round i am just gonna go by the flow and i am not gonna make promises to myself..I have totally discarded certain people and have already started to avoid them..i have my own reasons and it is sensible enough for me..I am pissed off with people who just asks for help and disappear after its done..or people who 'step' to attract attention..and i have already identified these people and you can soon see me drifiting away from u all..I no need anyone other than my frens whu still cares for till this years!..HVB!..

New semester leads me to a new class..W26J..yeap..it does actually carry half of my previous classmates and i am in the same class as Dinmak again..haha..smething beneficial for me..it is always nice to have dinmak around..Ridwan was a bastard in the first day of class when the faci ask all the students to introduce themselve by saying wats their name, where they stay and wat is the expection for the module..He stood up and said "My name is ridwan and i am staying with Anand in his house together with him and my expectation for the module is to see joshua everyday in class.."..the class started laughin and i was like 'eerrr..uhhh..embarrased!'..while dinmak was grinning..funny people..Other than tat.the class look indeed cool..need some a little bit more of time to bond..=)

I am again back with dinesh and raja all and its always nice to be with them..laughters and more laughters..indeed a cool group of people..about my own personal life..i have decided to stop interfering in sensitive issues like gals..relationships and etc..Ahil may know the reason coz i was complaining to him..Vicnes should also have a slight understanding of it too as he was a push factor..My only advise for u all..

"Its ur life people..you wanna get doomed, just get urself doomed..you wanna go in the right path, jolly well follow it.."..

Peace!

Basics please?

People..GET A DAMN LIFE!..

I just dunno why but i cant help it..seriousli speakin i am just simply irritated with people who are trying to act new..try to gain attention..try to make oneself look like hero or heroine who always faces immense difficulties even if they are the only soul in the world who does only good stuffs..FUCK YOU morons!..seriousli u all need some serious counselling..

Suddenli i have been seein people pop out from no where who really seem strange..Its like not the same person i knew before..please lah people..don't make urself seem a super human who just only does the good things..everyone has their own falls and ups..stop always lamenting your falls and make urself look very pitiful..especially the ones in relationships..

i can understand that putting your status as 'It's complicated' is kinda a new trend even though i dunno where it orginated from and why its cool...Wat is so trendy or cool about it?...and..and..please uh..don't try to act emo online when u are facing a failed relationship by blogging online such as 'taking sleeping pills', 'slitting the wrists', 'sitting near the ledge of the window'..my only reaction for you all is...JUST DO IT PROPERLY!..wats the point of taking alot of sleeping pills when you know tat you won't die?..wats the point of slitting your wrists when you knoe which area will have the less impact on the pain?..and wat is the point sitting near the ledge of your window when you know you don't dare jump?..

Think........

and you all got the cheek to blog it online..put it as your Facebook Status..or as msn personal messages?..bunch of attention seekers..trying to seek attention for your failed attempts and make yourself look like some superheroes? Seek attention for the right reasons people..i am not saying tat don't eva blog about your relationships...blog..but blog for the right purpose.. Condemning your partner in one post and praising the person in another doesn't help..being indirect in conveying your messages about your relationship does help..so please understand..

i know that this post may cause some controversies..but then..

i jus fucking hell DON'T care!

Drink..Drank...Drunk!

the calm one!

and i am not going near any alcohol stuffs for some time..

first of all i have to wish Muhes..Happy 18th Birthday Muhes!..hope you enjoyed the celebrations brother!..Have a long lived life with all your loved ones..God Bless You!

and now back to my point..most of the guys know tat i am drinking for the past two weeks non stop..every night after my work i resort to alcohol..let it be beer..liqour or wateva related to alcohol..i just grab it with both my hands..the close guy frens of mine knoes the problem i am facing and wat negatively motivates me to actualli drink..I wanna sleep..when i head to my bed..i spent the whole nite thinking of what made such a situation to happen..where i went wrong..wat kind of loser i am by tossing around the bed in an attempt to find and hoping vainly that i can sleep and wake up a new man in the morning..but.....it doesn happen..

probably the best beer in world

alcohol helps..i don wanna get drunk..i just wanna enjoy the feeling of being tipsy and when i head to the bed i need a peaceful sleep..and i went back home tipsy every single day after work..but from now on..i NEVER will..i have decided to call quits on my crave for alcohol..ahil is gonna see tis as a surprise..but tats the truth..i am never again gonna touch alcohol anymore..any night parties tat involves beer or liqour..i am just gonna get myself a cup of coke jus like Jaya and Muhes..

Why?

Muhes Birthday was a blast..water bombs thrown at him after an replica of a "World War Two" planning drawn out by Dinmak and Kashwin..wished him Happy Birthday together..all exactly done on the 12am of 8 Sep..it was a blast..then came the liqour part..and after i two hours of drinking i started to drift away into my own world and the last thing i remembered was dropping on my own vomit and vicnes' serious voice of "Pundek..u r not going to drink anymore!!"..

The P.I.C

In the mornin when i woke up i was on my own bed with vomit all over me wondering what i did the night and how the hell i came home..the Hangover sucked big time..wasnt able to go work..just cursed myself and felt bad tat i disappointed my mum..i did manage to find out wat i was up to during the night from my frens and felt really ashamed and at the same time stupi..and from tat incident i develop a fear for the smell of alcohol and alcohol itself..dinmak told me tat i would hate it only for maximum 2 months but i am sure i am gonna hate it for a longer time than tat..

Whateva it is..i am just gonna pick myself and work towards my aim..=)

and all i need is the support from my Broz!..

Understanding Test

and its time to blog..

Two Understanding Tests(UT) are over..First was Engineering Cost Decision and second one was Aerodynamics..and sadly i feel that i didn do my best for the both UTs..

Engineering Cost Decision was the only module that i fare worst this semester..alot of Cs and only manage Ds for the past two UTs of these module..And as usual i wasn't in the right mindset when i went into the class for my UT..i tried my best and spent hours on fully understanding the right knowledge..but then as usual..wat i realli studied didn come out..the one tat i assumed to have less weightage came and that was a setback tat i couldn't actually handle..this was further more compounded with BEN!..he was sittin beside me and before i could even muster a word to type it down..he was busy holding onto the calculator and punchin in values..and that itself was good enough to make me feel damn stressed out..his loud typing was good enough for me to give up hope on my UT..

Aerodynamics didn't do much good too..Its on paper and it was a difficult task to memorize most of the theory part as Aerodyanmic is full of theory..and i still manage to memorize all the difficult ones..and tis time round..the test was so freakin easy but i still couldn't do it..i concentrated on the difficult ones and ended up just havin some rough ideas on wat are the easy ones..haiz..and everyone had the same feelin as me..Easy but didn't know how to do..

Now there is still two more to go..Statistics and Operation Planning..and i have no idea wat i am suppose to do for statistics..but i am just hoping that i can pull it through..

The Hangover

So once again...i chao class!!..However tis time i don regret as Dinmak, Muhes and I had a hell of a time laughin out in the Cathay at Causeway Point..We went to see the movie The Hangover with Muhes's complimentery tickets..Since Muhes works at the Dhoby Ghaut Cathay and since he is a very dedicated staff he got himself complimentery tickets to enjoy movies in any Cathay..and after seein Muhes and Dinmak during the break,i was influence by my ownself to chao school and study for the upcoming UTs..

However as we know tat as Singaporean Indian Teenagers we are we can never decide on a certain thing immediately..soon our original plan had to be abandon for PLAN B-See movie..and its just my second English film that i watch in theatre and maybe my 4th or 5th English movie tat i have seen eva..but it was a hilarious movie with all three of us laughin to the max..and after the movie i told muhes tat we shuld also go Las Vegas and have a hell of a time one day and he just gave me the 'dream-on-anand..dream-on' look...a funny movie enjoyed with funny people by my side..however a bad discovery by me marred my day..My PSP screen CRACKED!...argh!..i was shocked and the repair cost is $90 after i proceeded to check out with a PSP shop..haiz..i guess wat i did on the weekends came back to haunt me..haiz!...

However i decided to borrow my brother's PSP for the time being..however its another faulty PSP with some modification problems which my brother just vainly tried to settle..Hope tis PSP situation will come to a good end..

and now its back to my bed..need a well deserved rest!...need some time to cool down after some energy sucking incidents..

Great Time

Sweets.......I took it from her blog!

What a hell of a time we had Sharen?

Yup..well 2dae i meet Sharen Caur after almost 1 month knowing each other through msgs..blogs..msn and thru calls..We had actually planned to meet last wed but then call it off coz of some reasons..So since it is a Wednesday and a 'No-School' day for me..we planned to meet today...

So as usual..i went 10minutes late according to my Triple T (Typical Tamilan Timin) rule..haha Venue? Sembawang MRT Station..We had alots of fun and i was bullied by tat Punjabi Gal sooooo much tat i ended up wif scratches..bruises..wounds and some bite marks..Thanx to her constant pinches..bites..smacks and scratches...and she got the cheek to poke me in my stomach where i was jumping up and down with the ticklish feeling!..and she can still say that it was my stubborness when i did something good...didn i sharen?

Soon had this Indian old timer whu came up to the place and said "Bang...sorry ah..i need this place as i have some frens coming here to have some important meeting..i don wanna u all get influence ah..tats y.."...i was like wtf!..i was just talkin to sharen caur abt ppl communicatin wif me in Malay and this guy popped out from nowhere with his "Bang!"..and the funniest part was the "..i don wanna u all get influence ah..tats y.."..as if we people are angels in human form!..

The rest of the meeting went smoothly with the occasionaly bullying i get from tat Sharen!.. the burnout game...mats showing off their bikes and occasional stares from the passer bys..and not to forget...the sweet stuffs we talked...we lepaked till 6pm before walking to the MRT and ended our meeting with a warm hug..It was time spent wonderfully and now i am waiting for the next meeting earnestly sharen..



should i tell?

Being yourself...

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Yeap...Be yourself..don change for others or don't care when someone gives u a negative comment to pull ur morale down...A valuable lesson i learnt in this 17 Years 7mths 3 days of my life..I have seen a lot of people whu suffer from Bullying..even i am a victim of it once..

Bullying is the act of causing harm intentionally. Through mental or physical means, bullying never fails to strike fear in the victim..It at times bring the esteem of a person to the bottom end!..Bullies think its fun to bully people of their weaknesses...It evokes laughter for them when they do such stuff..For them it is a just a short-term way to have laughter...However the havoc they are creating in a person goes unnoticed...It can result the victim to feel hurt,scared,sick, lonely,embarrased and even to the extent of developing negative shades of life..As a former victim of bullying..i did go through this difficult stages...

There are different kind of bullies...People whu abuse verbally..physically..emotionally and etc.. Every kind has its' own damage...the end product is always the same..Why am i suddenly talking about bullying?...I got my reasons..

I just noticed a high number of cases of bullying..An there are extreme cases of victims resorting to death as the only choice to end the mental, physical and emotional toture..Statistic shows that teenagers nowdaes are getting worser in their behaviour and bullying people who are timid, smaller in size , soft-spoken and the list just continues..One recent case is about this gal whu attempted suicide after reaching her breaking point coz of her peers bullying her about her illness..Bullying someone over their illness?...Tats freakin ridiculous!..

It led her to commit suicide and she dropped on the drain resulting in her back and her head to hit a nearby pillar with great impact..She didn't die..but due to a spinal cord injury she has to face the inevitable of being paralyzed..In my opinion if i were to face tat situation,i rather die..Seeing yourself in the bed everydae and yearning to walk everyday will just mentally hurt u more and results in a severely hit low self esteem with a high chance of hating oneself...

Be yourself guys...be proud of yourselves..don't be intimidated..stand up for Yourself!

Updating time!

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Ok..it is time to update..it has been a very long time since i updated and many people have requested me to do it..i am not surprised..tats wat people can expect when i am freakinly lazy... when it comes to blogging i need motivation..wifout it...i don even visit my blog..and now i got a long list of events to update...


I am afraid that i may start to go back to my old ways of leaving school half way or 'smoke thru' the lesson without getting any knowledge...Surely my grades aren't consistent enough and i have to suck up here and there in my RJ to at least get a C..Apart from studies there are still other things that are in my mind.. Positive stuffs and Negative stuffs...Life with the most reliable frens has been great and there are always the laughters and jokes that never fades away..However there is been high number of cases where people enter my life and then just walk out of a sudden...Isit my inability to hold on to them?...i am not sure...i have no answers for it..my onli hope is that time will answer the questions that is being unanswered..There are also the funny moments with my Havoc Brotherz where there isn't an end to the jokes...not to forget..there are moments where i laugh at myself of being so childish when disturbin some 'cat' online thru MSN..hahaha!...also got the times where i enjoy seeing a guy whuse face will suddenly change like as if he kena menses wheneva he see me and Ahil...hahahahaha!..funny people...

Coming to personal life...There are hicupps here and there but i am still looking forward to the positive onli...there are fuck typed moments where i prefer being alone..thinking and wondering..and talkin abt personal life..it brings me to Sharen Caur whu has been a wonderful companian for these past few weeks..

The irresistible fites but uncontrollable luv 4 each other makes me so treasured and i can assure you Sharen Caur that i do treasure our close frenship kays...Days nowdaes arent normal if there aren't any msgs...Not to forget the random calls and the naughty stuff we talk just puts the smile on my face and hope it did the same thing to u...and i am once again assuring u tat i wont be ditching u even if u everytime complain tat i wuld...So go hug ur bolster after u read tis post Cookie Monster=)....and now i am demandin a sweet poem frm u Sharen Caur!....hahahaha!...

Work has been goin as per normal and i am awaiting my job appraisal which i would receive next week..and I have oready prepared for what seems to be a very poor one..Surely i am one of the most problematic Gantorian with alot of reports..However i knoe i won't be sacked as i knoe i ain't tat bad..just hope everythin is fine..

and now i feel so tempted to follow Justin with his drinkin escapades!...hmmph!..but i knoe i wont..=)

Reflections

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So it is time to update my blog...I know i haven been blogging much nowdaes mainly due to the fact that i dont get the motivation to do it...so here i go reflecting as usual..

Its another Friday nite and here i am locked myself in a dark room staring at the laptop thinking what am i suppose to blog about...About the events that took place for the past few days or by just reflecting on certain issues in my mind as usual..So let me start off with how days are going nowdaes...

Yes..Life is fun when u got great company of frens whu just keeps cracking jokes and consistently makes me burst into streaks of laughters..Like today..Muhes..Jaya..Dinmak and Pavithra had a great time laughin with the constant comedies of Muhes..Surprisingly Jaya was more quiet today than as usual..Oh ya..We did choa class today..The inability to concentrate in class plus the desire to take some break was overwhelming and all jus decided to have a day off..

Stupid RP which is implementing useless curfews and rules just makes we students more irritated..Why dont they just close down the school for a certain period?...The principal's explanations aren't that impressive...I just saw alot of students leaving today just coz they didn bring their thermometer and the school thinks it is ok to refrain students from entering the school just coz of the 'Thermometer Rule'..Dumb Fuck!

I wonder why inconsistency rule the life of mine..One moment i was enjoying with my frens and the next moment i am sitting there quietly deep in my thoughts wondering what am i suppose to do in order to achieve what i am desiring..and its just sad to know that i have not impressed enough even though personally i feel that i am doing whatever i can..

Of coz there are the happy moments..Laughin uncontrollably..letting my imagination run wild.. Disturbing the people around and obviously fooling around with those who i love...Some may forget me when they don need a joker to be with..But no matter wat...i am earnestly looking at the postive side...Spare me a Prayer please...

and before i go..my Birthday wishes to one of my dearest Friend:

Happy 18th Birthday Kutti!
God Bless you!!

Another Birthday

Karthik

So finally this fat brother of mine has turn 13 i am wishing him a very big Happy 13th Birthday...Have a very blessed long lived life with all your loved ones always around you always showing happiness..Peace and Love..

Happy Birthday Brother!!

Mama Nigger Birthday!

Pravin Premnavas

So another member of the HavoC BroZ has turn 18 and it is our Mama Nigger..so finally this dark tall but handsome fella is celebrating his 18th Birthday and even though his orginal birthday was on 10th June..he did a mini gathering on 16th June in lieu of his Birthday..

Even though Muhes..Jaya..Kutti..Ahil and I planned to meet at 6:30pm at Yishun..as tamilans we had to follow the important rule of coming late for a meeting or an appointment and we only ended up meeting near 7:15pm...I was on the bus 969 heading towards Tampines..Kutti,Jaya and Muhes hopped on to the bus at Yishun followed by Ahil at Khatib..It was very fun in the bus as Jaya as usual making us laugh with so much of jokes and in no time we were at Tampines..Then we had to take bus 29 to Changi Village as that Pravin chose Changi Beach as he had plans to go OCH after the celebrations..

Obviousli i didn know this 'OCH' plans and i freaked out immediately when i heard we are goin there..it was somethin tat i don't support..However brushing that a side we 5 had a good meal at Changi Village where Dinmak and Vicnes joined us...In no time we head to the pondo that Mama Nigger was with some of his frens..a guy called Kiran..another guy whu i don't know his name..Fiona..Viveka and another gal called 'PP'...Soon everythin was set and celebrations were under process..I remember that i drank and drank and drank..Indeed it was the 1st time that i drank this much and i have to admit..It was nice...However i did had my own reasons for drinking...

Muhes did scold me for drinkin so much and gave me the disapproving look when i made the decision to help myself to another cup of Jim Beam..Personally it is one of the most memorable Birthday as i enjoyed happiness with some issues resolved..I wished i could have 'overnight' but Dad as usual forbidded me from doing that as he disapprove the fact that i would be 'overnighting' at Changi..Changi is a place that my Dad hates for some unknown reasons..So i had to leave with Vicnes and Dinmak in a taxi...and in the Taxi i had a good interaction with them as we had a great chat where i disclosed some informations which make me feel less burdened!

Indeed it was a memorable night for me as well as for my Brothers..Upcoming next is Kutti's Birthday and this one should be another blast!

Square One!

So here i am..stucked at the bottom pit again!...Back to square one..

I don seem to be able to stay in the right track always..One week i am celebrating my success.. Another week i am lamenting my poor luck..It just seems that i can never be happy till i really get the answers i want..or maybe..let me put it in another way..

I can never be happy unless i can really achieve what ever i desired!..Last week's match was my morale booster..and this week match was a very big nightmare..5-1 was the score..

The defeat did felt bad..Kutti trusted me and give me the nod ahead of the match to play goalkeeper..A fabulous 1st half soon marred into a nightmarish 2nd half..Letting in four goals in second half was bad enough to pull my general level of confidence to the bottom end..Congratz to the opponent..They took their chance and dictate play..While we just didn't had the killer instinct..Kutti limped off..Sarvesh took a blow to his rib..Vicky had his knee covered in bruises..I had my hand scratched from the vain dives in the hard soil...Communication was the word that simply wasn't in anyone's mind today..for me..the effort i put in was overlooked by the goals that i conceded..and it successfully helps my confidence level to plunge even deeply.

Obviousli it is a learning experience and looking at it in such point of view does help me feel better..If everyone is thinking tat the defeat is the main reason why i feel so deeply down..i have to say that it isn't jus that...There is more to it...

Some seriousli 'shocking discoveries' that i discovered recently surely add on to my miseries.. Sureli it does no help to me...I dont wish to share this 'shocking discoveries' as i want it to be personal but surely one day i would open it up...

one day?

Finally

At sentosa

Finally i can see some glimpses of positive things coming about..and its somethin to cheer about..After all, for sometime i have been going around lamenting my misfortunes..and currently its nice to be in a better position compared to that miserable situations...

One such morale boosting incident is today's soccer match..It's such a morale booster..an eye opener..maybe a successful test of my abilities..Yea..we won..5-2..compared to the strength in our opponents team..its a great result..All were 19 years old and above..Most of them were even NS regulars!..damn fit!

My position: Goalkeeper..Gerard didn come..so i had to take over that position..Obviousli no one did trust that i can play well in that position..Somethin that isn't surprising to me..My performances in the past didn contribute to my defense...all i need is some concrete evidence that i am not a bad player..

and today's match proved me that i am not hopeless..and i am so freakin happy that i was commended by everyone..even the opponents..but all credits go to Mama Nigger and Kutti..They realli motivated me very well from the beginning of the match....Obviousli the other players did congratulate me when i made good saves or played smartly..Thanks Broz..I am just so happy!

Now its back to school..i have re-establised relationships with alot of people leaving my ego in a dead end..and i am happy that i am again trying my best to do well in my studies..All i need now is some consistency and i am sure that i will go in the right track soon..

and ya..to my Bestie

Happy 18th Birthday Bharu..
so some one finally 18 lah..haha!..

Losing

After a day wasted in school..i was feelin bad tat i didn gain anythin frm the lesson 2dae..And i realized tat i didn even take the effort to open the Problem Statement for the day!..i was jus not motivated to study nor was i be able to focus...Feelin a little fucked type from some incidents..i was jus not in the state to study..was jus chattin wif Maya D'Souza the whole day and just lepakin..It can be jus written off as a day wasted in school!..

I jus seem to lose the plot...i jus feel like giving up...I jus dont feel motivated to do well..Even though its nice to see my grades being constant this semester..the performance i gave in the last two lessons i attended realli wasn't up to satisfactory..and it jus seem that it can worsen...

Lookin around me..most of them have taken their studies seriousli except for few..Havin to face alot of obstacles..i am jus not in the right state to have a positive approach or studies..I jus seem to lose alot of support..Luckily there are some kind souls who realli do understand my situation and i am thankful for that..

All I jus need is some counsellin now..
This is a dark period of my life with jus some glimpses of brightness in the form of some good souls..but the point rite now is tat...


I am just LOSING!..